He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
