Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
