we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
