The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
