he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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