Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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