Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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