we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
And then he peed in my hair
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