Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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