I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
