he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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