Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
