spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
