Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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