Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
