remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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