last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
