I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
