never play flip cup with pint glasses
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
