The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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