another moral hangover. fuck.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
