Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
