Your face is a jimmy john
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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