someone threw a dead crab at me
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
