I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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