Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
