I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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