we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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