when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
