Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
