actually, I'm a sock model
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
