I'm drive I can fine osifer
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
