gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
