I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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