it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My vagina just recognized that song.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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