I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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