My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
