I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
