I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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