her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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