I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I have post one night stand depression
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