i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
