just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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