What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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