mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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