You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
