who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
