Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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