so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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