so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
