she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
someone owes me an orgasm
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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