Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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