I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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