I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
