What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You're like the curious george of whores
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think people are normalizing furries
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
