i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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