I wish I could punch you in the face.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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