Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
