Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
